We have experienced a breakthrough in the battle to potty
train.
For the past couple of weeks, every night, after dinner,
Sydney would gather up her blanket and her most trusted partner, Henrietta hedgehog (stuffed animal),
and disappear into the downstairs bathroom for about 15 minutes. During this
time, no one was to disturb her. I tried several times, and I got yelled at and
the door slammed in my face.
Somehow, she always emerged with a load of crap in her
pants.
She has a regularness that I admire. And she clearly
realizes the bathroom is the place to take care of your business. And she
doesn’t like to be disturbed, which is the case with most human beings. If you
fit in the “other” category – such as the man I once heard conducting business
on his cell phone while sitting in the stall next to me at the Philadelphia
airport – well, you sir, are disgusting.
Getting her to take the extra step and sit down on the
toilet and go to the bathroom seemed impossible. She wouldn’t do it. She’d sit
on the toilet for 15 minutes and do nothing, only to get up and two minutes
later and soil her pants.
I don’t understand. Who wants to go in their pants when you
have an alternative? Who wants to go in their pants at all? Even if I didn’t have
an alternative, I’d drop trou and find a bush. Did that once on a Michigan golf
course. That is how dire my situation was. Lost a nice golf towel in that
debacle.
Brooke’s parents visited for a three-day weekend a few weeks
ago. Tired of hearing our potty-training stories, they told us they wanted to
give it a shot. I’m sure they thought we were incompetent and they’d be able to
step right in and have her trained in a couple of days.
Let’s just say Sydney showed them a thing or two. I think I
remember a fit of seismic proportions while locked in the bathroom with
grandma.
But we experienced a breakthrough one night last week.
Sydney thought it would be funny to, let’s say, “cut the cheese.” However, in
the process of grunting and pushing (she learns this stuff from her mama, I
swear!), she got a little more than she bargained for and my wife, recognizing
this as a teaching moment, rushed her to the potty. She happily did her
business and proudly proclaimed that she did “tinkle, tinkle, toot,” just like the
potty training book we have been reading.
Of course, this led to loud cheers in our house, like the
Cleveland Browns had just won the Super Bowl. (yes, I know the oft quoted joke, if it is Brown (as in Cleveland) flush it down; and I realize the analogy relates Super Bowl to toilet bowl. Just let me dream, people!)
She even got the privilege of flushing it down the toilet and more hoopla with that.
Whatever it takes.
The next day, she proudly announced at child care, “Miss
Amber, I did tinkle, tinkle, toot!” And when my wife was on the phone with her
parents that night, she had to tell Nana and Papa that she was a big girl and
had tinkle, tinkle, tooted.
Despite her satisfaction with herself, she has yet to make
it regular practice. We’ve had a couple of repeat episodes since then, but
mostly a mountain of wet and dirty diapers for daddy to change.
Was it easier when we were kids? Or were the methods a
little more severe? We all know parenting was tougher back then. No kids seats.
Hell, no seatbelts. Smoke blowing in your face during your bottle feedings. A
little syringe of whiskey to help the baby sleep through the night.
Things I try to reason with Sydney on were the types of
things that earned me a slap on the head when I was a kid and warning that a
second offense would garner a trip to Whip City.
Did my dad rub my face in it, like a dog? Understandably,
that might speed up the learning process a bit.
I’m open to suggestions if you have any. Otherwise, I’ll
stay the course. And stay out of the downstairs bathroom after dinner.
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