He was right.
I have a job that involves abused and neglected children. Thankfully, I do not do the real social work. Those people are true angels who have to deal with situations and people no one should ever have to encounter. I have the easier task of handling communications and dealing with the media.
Still, I am frequently involved in discussing the intimate details of cases where children die or are hurt. I cannot publicly discuss them, but believe me when I say what parents and others do to children would sicken you to the point of throwing up. I cannot stress this enough: there are people out there who torture children. If you think today’s child abuse is something along the lines of what happened when your mom or dad knocked you around a little to set you straight, you are greatly mistaken. Whether because they are drugged up, mentally ill or just plain violent, there are people doing things to children that is beyond comprehension.
And that is my point. While these cases have always elicited great emotion from me, I feel it much deeper now. I picture my little girl every time I hear the details of a case, and that nearly brings me to tears sometimes. It always makes me extremely angry.
I now know how tiny a four-month-old is and how ridiculous it would be to say the beating you gave them was punishment. I now understand how bathing a baby works and find it inexcusable that someone would attempt it while high on drugs or drunk on hard liquor. I cringe when I hear a father has isolated their little one, making them sleep in the bathroom or not feeding them.
I get angry enough to fight.
That’s just one example of the way my emotions have changed over the past four months.
I have already told you I am not the kind of guy who gets excited about much. But I greatly anticipate the future I have with my daughter. I’m eager for that day we can talk and I can teach her things. I wonder what it will be like to come home and have her come running for a hug. I can’t wait until we can watch a football game together and I can discuss the Cover 2 defense with her.
I get angry and sad knowing that she will be picked on at some point in her life, or have her heart broken. I have already told my wife I will watch sporting events away from the rest of the crowd because if I hear someone criticize my daughter, there WILL BE a fight.
One of my biggest emotions is fear I won’t be around to experience all of these times with her.
At Christmas, my mother-in-law gave my daughter a gift from a great grandmother she will never know. It got me thinking about all the people in Sydney’s life who would have loved and cherished her and how she will never have the chance to meet them. Her mom’s grandmother. My father. Most of my grandparents.
What if something happened to me or her mom? How much more difficult would Sydney’s life be. How would my wife or I handle raising our girl without the other parent? How would we keep that missing parent’s memory alive for our daughter?
These are things I never used to think about. Now, with Sydney, I do all the time. It chokes me up. Having a kid has made me a softie. I cry at Hallmark commercials.
It is both difficult and fun to feel highs and lows that I haven’t felt in a very long time. That’s a good thing. The great basketball coach Jim Valvano said everyone should laugh, cry and think every day.
I agree.
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