Shaping a Baby the Wrong Way

Ok, so kids are a combination of their parents. I hope Sydney gets my smaller head over her mother’s coconut-looking noggin. Brooke hopes Sydney gets her feet instead of my Fred Flintstone-like paws. I regret that she got my door-knob of a chin.

But what will she learn from me and what will she learn from Brooke? How will we shape this little girl’s personality? I had a seven hour drive over the holidays, and I thought about it. Seven hours is a long time. And it was a Monday, so I couldn’t even listen to sports.

What she will learn from me:

·         to yell at the television during sporting events.

·         to eat six slices of pizza and still be hungry

·         to keep all the blinds in the house closed so no one can see her walking around in her underwear

·         to double down on 11 and split aces and eights

·         to draft the perfect team in fantasy football

·         to live as much as possible in one room so the others remain clean

·         to consider a slow stroll around the neighborhood brisk exercise

·         to communicate with everyone via Facebook, email, blog, etc. so she never has to pick up the phone

  

What she will learn from Brooke:

·         to yell at the television during reality shows

·         to shop for Christmas on the day AFTER Christmas (This is a smart thing women must learn at birth.)

·         to have a million pillows on the bed that serve no purpose

·         to buy all kinds of jewelry she’ll never wear

·         to lose her keys six times in one week

·         to buy a dining room table that she’ll rarely eat at, but will use for storage (For this, I gave up my pool table which could have held a lot more scrapbooking items than the table.)

·         to buy a phone plan with a gazillion minutes and still somehow go over her limit

Ok, maybe these are things I don’t want my daughter to learn. In the end, who really knows what she will turn out to be? That’s the excitement of it all.

All I really know is she will laugh a lot and make people laugh; she’ll be compassionate and kind to those who are less fortunate; she’ll be intelligent and street smart; she’ll be respectful of people from all walks of life and she’ll know the value of hard work and will work hard to get what she needs in life. These are all qualities both of her parents possess, so she’s a “can’t miss” on those.