Sometimes, "I Love You, Honey" is the Best Answer

I realize it is tough for a pregnant woman to get comfortable. You’re blown up like a beach ball. A soccer match is going on in your stomach. You make more trips to the bathroom than two teen-age girls on their first double date. 

It puts us men in a precarious situation. We walk on eggshells hoping not to suffer your hormonal wrath.

A recent night with my wife ended with me climbing in bed BEFORE her. This was apparently a Biblical sin I was not fully aware of.

“Don’t you even care about me? Are you only concerned about getting in bed?”

Well honey, that is usually what we do at midnight when we want to go to sleep.

“I have to wash my face and brush my teeth and all you care about is getting in bed. You better not be asleep before I get in bed. ”

Ummm, OK.

What do I do in this situation? These scenarios come up frequently in a marriage. Men know the best thing to do is keep the mouth shut. Even breathing loud could set her off. Ultimately, you resort to saying only, “I love you honey” and hoping that is enough to calm the situation before it turns into an MMA fight.

Once in bed, she complained about the covers, the temperature, how much space she had…

“Why do you have more than half the bed?”

Well honey, my butt cheeks are actually hanging off my edge of the bed.

“It is so hot in here. How can anyone sleep in this temperature?”

Honey, it is the same temperature it was four hours ago when you complained loudly that it was TOO COLD.

“I can’t sleep in sheets that are wet.”

Honey, the sheets are not wet. How could they be wet?

“They are clammy. I cannot sleep with wet sheets.”

Honey, it is impossible for the sheets to be wet. There hasn’t been any water in the bed.

“I KNOW THE SHEETS ARE NOT WET. Can’t you understand my skin is clammy and it makes the bed feel wet? Why can’t you understand how I feel?”

I love you honey.

“You better not fall asleep before me.”